2024 was a really hard year for me. And I’m not saying that lightly. It has been by far the most difficult season of my life. And yet I am so grateful for it.
And I know what you’re thinking…. Why?
How could a year that brought so much pain and regret into your life be something you are grateful for?
Growth. 2024 was a lot for me emotionally and mentally. And just as I believed things couldn’t get any worse. They did. Again and again. Because of this pain and heartbreak, I had to really look at myself. I didn’t like myself let alone love myself. I was so disconnected from who I really was while struggling to keep my head above water. I had to fall in love with taking care of myself. I had to fall in love with the path of healing, otherwise I was never going to get better.
It was a struggle, and it took a lot of patience, perseverance and compassion towards myself. It was long nights curled up in my bed sobbing trying to let the pain find a place for it to stay, a place that was not inside of me. It was forced showers and routines. It was the gut wrenching pit in my stomach every time I tried to eat. My eyes were dull and I looked really ill. Everything was a chore, my life was a chore.
It slowly started to get better. I started sitting in the shower, instead of avoiding it. I started eating foods that weren’t so healthy, but were appealing to me. Lots of ice cream. Lots of sweet treats. I started to move my body a bit more everyday. Finding a new rhythm in the chaos.
And then one day, like a switch, everything clicked for me. Loving myself was a choice I could make every single day, every single moment. I thought about the people I loved in my life, and how I would treat them if I lived in their body. And so I started choosing to love myself. Because yes, love is a choice. (at least choosing to love someone in healthy ways). And so I made the effort to show myself healthy love. I started going to the gym and eating good healthy foods that left me energized and content. I started to love my nighttime routine. My shower and skincare rituals. I played music while getting ready for work instead of sitting with my negative thoughts. I woke up earlier and gave myself slow calm mornings, rather than rushed ones. I learned to love doing the things that made me a better person, for myself.
That was where everything changed for me… I started wanting things for myself, and I strived to achieve a better version of myself everyday because that is how I showed myself love. By doing and being better. So yea, 2024 showed me really ugly parts of myself. Unhealed parts. Lost parts. But if these things were not shown to me, then I would never have been able to love and heal them into more beautiful qualities.
My takeaway from this year is: you can’t shame yourself into change – you can only love yourself into evolution.
Love yourself. It’s a choice. Make the right one.
xx
