a high-school journal entry.
I like to think that everyone has had the universal experience of losing a close friend. the good kind of best friend of course. funny how life doesn’t let you forget that falling. like the songs that will always remind you of them. memories that will be infiltrated everywhere. how that one girl has her mannerisms. clothes. habits. the way you still do your makeup how she taught you 5 years ago. for christ sakes, the lonely missing socks she won’t ever get back. summer. golf carts. ribs. 8th grade english class.
ofcourse with those scattered pieces it’ll always hit you that you are now strangers. it hurts to realize how close we were back then. i think friend soulmates are the hardest to let go, but essential in a way.
i read somewhere that if youre not loosing friends youre not growing up. there are lesson to be learned. i believe that with every part of my being. there are many reasons to outgrow people. even if a friendship ends terribly, there is always something to come out of that.
heres what i learned from all of this. i learned to stop dealing with drama online. its stupid, problematic and does not solve anything. just as much as they can be in the wrong, so can you. be humble. own up to it. GROW UP. sometimes all you need to do is say sorry
.
a stranger with all your secrets is better than just a stranger. its true, the memories will always be there. i can miss you and not want you back. i can miss everything about it all, and not have it back.
forgiveness doesn’t always come with an apology. ive learned to forgive without apologies, as much as i want one (and as much as im sorry too) cus yea i still forgive you. no matter how crappy we treated eachother in the end. it makes me a better person because of it. ill forgive you even when you don’t forgive me.
youre the friend i needed, but not the only one.
thats something right there. ill meet plenty of more people who can hold the same value you once did in my life. and ill learn and grow from them just like i did from you.
maybe well meet again someday or maybe we won’t. like at our local grocery store – well make eye contact and quickly look away at the banging feeling in our hearts. or hatred. or maybe we’ll say hello and make small talk about the people we used to be and how immature we were while reminiscing of all the times we weren’t. of all the years that went by without a word. and how it’ll never be the same again – something that our 15 year old selves will only be a part of. or maybe i wont ever hear from you again. thats up to the weird system we call the universe. either way. im at peace with all i’ve lost for the small price of what i won.